“Your honor, I swear to you on my honor as a member of The Bar, that the events before you are nothing more than a simple misunderstanding that grew out of control. My client is innocent of any shenanigans. He simply wanted a sandwich from the best deli in town on the freshest pumpernickel in three counties. Not an unreasonable request but a strong desire we have all had at one point or another in our lives.”
With the screech of wood on wood, the lawyers pulls his chair back and sits down next to his client. The judge's gaze moves between him and the team of lawyers seated at the opposing table. Seated on her bench, this adjudicator could not bring herself to believe that a simple kerfuffle would require such a strong show of corporate force against a single patron.
With a nod to the legal show of force, the judge says, “You may now call your first witness. This is a simple case. If we don't lollygag and keep the malarkey to a minimum, then we can be done by lunch, dinner at the latest.”
The gaggle of lawyers look at one another then turn to focus on the man wearing the simplest suit among them. He rises, adjusts his coat, and steps around the table to address the judge. He speaks in a soft voice that carries throughout the courtroom so that nobody has to strain to hear him.
“Thank you your honor. We would like to call to the stand the manager of the deli, a Ms. Clarence Johnson.”
A bailiff calls out the door and then holds it open as a woman in a blue pantsuit strides in. She confidently walks up to the witness stand, sits down, and swears to tell the truth without a single pause. Her motions and speech full of confidence and pride.
The lawyer addresses the witness, “Ms. Johnson, can you please tell us what lead to the brouhaha that brings us here today?”
Ms. Johnson's eyes travel around the people in the courtroom, appearing to get the feel for her audience before she speaks. She glares at the single lawyer and his client and begins her testimony. Her voice is commanding and sharp enough that more than one person in the back cringes at her words.
“Your honor, it was a typical day at my business. I operate a deli downtown that is well known for its flavored meats and fresh breads. On the day in question the guy at the table over there entered my establishment appearing completely discombobulated and disheveled. The cashier working the front counter thought he appeared unsavory and requested I handle him before he reached the counter. Not wanting to put my employee through a potentially traumatic experience, I willingly stepped forward.
“The guy stumbled up to the counter and began to spout some gibberish. I calmly asked him what he wanted to order. He started getting louder and more belligerent. I maintained my composure and became flabbergasted when he started cursing at me and using profanities that were not appropriate for the environment of my family establishment. My confusion continued when he lunged at me and grabbed my blouse.
“It was at that point that I called to one of my employees in the back and asked them to contact the police. I then turned back to the guy and suggested he skedaddle before the officers arrived. He became erratic and started wildly gesticulating. He then proceeded to yell and scream at everyone in the dining area and wildly stomping towards the door. One of his feet caught a chair attached to the floor and fell. Before anyone could reach out to assist him up, the guy reached out to a promotional sign to pull himself to his feet. The frame was unable to hold his weight and it toppled on top of him as he fell a second time. He then stood up and lifted the frame from the floor. The sign was completely cattywampus in the frame. The guy staggered out the door before the police arrived.”
The charming corporate lawyer leans against the wall surrounding the witness stand. He looks out at the judge, his fellow legal team, the opposition, and the audience.
“Ms. Johnson, is that the last you heard from the gentleman that created such a disturbance in the deli?”
The witness shakes her head, causing the managed curls at the end of her bob haircut to bounce.
“No, not at all. About 18 days later I received a phone call from a law firm informing me that the deli was being sued for the medical costs incurred by the guy during the incident.”
The comfortably arrogant corporate lawyer struts back to his table and asks one final question with his back to the witness, as though asking it to the room at large. “What would paying those bill mean to the deli?”
Ms. Johnson sniffled slightly and pulled a convenient tissue from her sleeve cuff to dab at her eye. “The immediate costs would impact my plans for an expansion and damage investments in the employee retirement fund. If there were future medical payments required, it could eventually mean the shutdown of the deli itself.”
Another screech of wood on wood as the leader of the legal team sits down. “That is all I have for this witness.”
The judge looks from one lawyer to the Ms. Johnson and then to the single lawyer with his client. “Do you wish to cross-examine this witness?”
Without a sound, the solo lawyer stands up and adjusts his jacket. “Yes your honor, I do have some questions for this witness.”
He walks to the middle of the courtroom and stands with his hands cross in front of his waist. He turns his head slightly to look directly at Ms. Johnson. His eyes focusing into hers as he speaks. “You talked about the deli being your business, the employees being your employees, your plans for expansion. Do you own the Riverside Deli where this incident took place?”
From the opposing table one of the junior lawyers calls out. “Objection! The ownership of the deli has no relevance to this matter. It has no bearing on the circumstances of this case.”
The judge looks at the lawyer standing in the middle of the room before her. Without waiting for a question the lawyer responds. “The question has bearing on the validity of the witness's character and the accuracy of her statements about my client and the events that occurred.”
The judge nods, “I will give you some latitude but you must make it relevant quickly. Ms. Johnson, please answer the question.”
Ms. Johnson's voice is still strong but some of the confidence is gone from her tone. “ I don't own the deli, but I do manage it on behalf of the Miltons. In order to do my job effectively I have to consider every part of that business as mine. Every dollar in and out as though it comes from my personal wallet. Every employee is a member of my own family. That is how I manage the deli in order to make it the best possible business it can be.”
The lawyer stands still as he ponders the answer to his question. After a handful of heartbeats he asks another. “Did you plan on leaving court today feeling like you have bamboozled everyone here?”
Ms. Johnson blinks and all self confidence leaves her face. “I'm not sure I know what you mean.”
“Any manager that invests themselves that much into operating a business owned by someone else would have to be a total nincompoop to not be aware of security cameras and their recordings.”
“When the police arrived we tried to look at the security footage. Something had corrupted the data and the video files were unrecoverable.”
The lawyer uncrosses his hands and places them behind his back. “Yes, the original security surveillance system did seem to have some odd occasions of corrupted data. That is why the owners, George and Liza Milton, installed a new wireless surveillance system they could monitor and record from anywhere, including their home. The same home they were sitting in when they happened to hear their beloved deli mentioned on the police scanner they have in the living room.”
The lawyer raises his hand and signals to one of the bailiffs. A large screen is rolled in with a DVD player and other electronic devices hooked up. The single lawyer pulls a flash drive out of his pocket and inserts it into a port on the DVD player. “Your honor, I would like to enter the following video recording into evidence.”
The judge nods and the lawyer presses the buttons required to play the surveillance recording. Multiple views from multiple cameras appear on the screen. Overhead angles of the deli's cashier stations, dining room, kitchen area, and manager's office. The unmistakable figure of Ms. Johnson can be seen sitting in the manager's office doing something on her smartphone. There are a few people in the dining room with all three people placing orders and others lined up behind them. The lawyer pauses the video and addresses the judge.
“This is mere seconds before my client enters the establishment. Please keep in mind the testimony that Ms. Johnson just gave regarding the actions of my client and her responses.”
All color and confidence flows from the witness's face as the video restarts and everyone on the screen unfreezes. A single figure, dressed differently than he is in the courtroom but recognizable, enters the deli and walks towards the cashier. He calmly and quietly steps in line behind a woman with a bulbous bouffant and a child standing next to her. The mother was paying more attention to her phone than the child.
The child can be seen looking up at its inattentive mother, then to the cashiers busy assisting other customers, and finally at the man now standing at the end of the line. The child glances to check his mother's view one more time. In one fluid motion the child balls up a fist, turns, and lands a blow in the patiently waiting man's groin.
A cashier had looked up just as the blow is landed and the man doubles over. The child just giggles as the man moans. His breath is rough as he tries to get the attention of the mother who just brushes his hand away from her sleeve. The cashier asks the customer she had been helping and steps away from the register. She can be seen moving in and out of multiple camera views hurrying to the manager's office.
“Ms. Johnson, there has been an incident. You need to come up front immediately.”
A deep sigh can be heard as the manager's shoulders rise and fall sharply. Without pausing in what she was doing on her phone, Ms. Johnson can be heard on the recording. Her voice containing none of the peace and friendliness
“Seriously? Do I have to do everything? Can't you peons handle the simplest of problems? Must I do all the thinking and fixing of your little pissant problems?”
“Ma'am, a child has assaulted another customer. I can see what me may want if you would rather get some ice.”
Ms. Johnson can be seen putting her phone down in frustration on her desk and standing up aggressively. “You get the ice. I can't allow you to give away the whole place because of one little love tap. Get the ice and don't screw it up.”
Ms. Johnson can be seen moving through the camera views as she marches to the front of the deli. She can be seen moving through the door that separates the employee area from the section customers are free to roam in. She takes one look at the man still catching his breath and standing in a stooped posture. Her voice is full of contempt and arrogance as she speaks.
“What has happened here?”
The man's speech is breathy and full of pain. “That child punched me. Hit me in the family jewels. I just had a vasectomy and that region is very tender.”
On the recording the attacked man can be seen pointing to the inattentive mother and assaultive child. Ms. Johnson looks in the indicated direction. She practically runs to the mother that still hasn't looked away from her phone. Everyone in the courtroom is shocked as Ms. Johnson gives the mentally absent mother a hug. The people on the screen freeze again as the lawyer once again pauses the playback.
“Ms. Johnson, would you please inform the court who that woman is to you?”
The witness stammers for a second before replying in a quivering voice. “She, she is my sister.”
“Then the child that injured my client would be?”
“My niece.”
The lawyer winks at his client and smiles. “With that cleared up, why don't we let the recording continue?”
Motion returns to the screen once again. Ms. Johnson's excited voice comes over the speakers. “Sister, what brings you to my restaurant today? And how is little Julie this week? Growing like a weed still I see.”
The mother, without looking up from her phone, replies, “Hey there sister. I was doing some shopping when Julian wanted some lunch and we thought you could give us something from your little place here.”
A giggle bubbles from the direction of the young attacker. Ms. Johnson looks down as the little girl giggles again and points in the direction of the her human punching bag. The cashier had returned with a bag of ice that the man was holding gently against his groin. A tiny voice happily says, “That man is silly.”
Ms. Johnson pats her niece on the head affectionately. “And what did the silly man do?”
More giggles. “He made a funny sound when I hit him. He acted like the people in the silly videos.”
The child's mother finally looks down at her offspring. “Dearie, you know you aren't supposed to do things like that.”
Ms. Johnson takes in the whole scene. With a huff she puts her hands on her hips. “Don't worry about it. I'll handle him. Maybe a free side or something will fix him up.”
The lawyer freezes the screen one final time. He nods to the bailiff who rolls the monitor out of the courtroom. “Now Ms. Johnson, I say again, did you plan on leaving here feeling like you bamboozled all of us?”
Thank you for giving this little impulse write a read. Please let me know what you think here on the blog or at my Facebook page.
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